Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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