and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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