hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
