did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Quick, to the slutcave!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
