Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
