The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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