Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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