Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
