just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
