I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
