you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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