You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize