am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
