I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
