A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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