Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
