Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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