at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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