I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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