Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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