i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
