Its about making memories worth repressing
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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