I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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