please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
