dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
