Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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