Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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