How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this will be a night to untag.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
