she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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