sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
