LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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