No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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