i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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