You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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