i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
