This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
