I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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