we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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