He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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