It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You've changed since you got that strap on
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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