dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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