I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
