Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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