i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
