It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
