There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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