So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
