So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
