Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
