It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
there is puke in my bra ... again
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