I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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