I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
