Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I look better un-naked...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
