We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
