Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
