Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
