I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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