hell yes lets make some ravioli
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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