closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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