Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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