kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
