Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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