Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
