We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
