$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
