I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
