She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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