so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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