She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
