I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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