I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
