dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
