we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
