never play flip cup with pint glasses
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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