I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
