remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
