Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
