she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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